Deflect much?

(This may jump around some, so bare with me)

Today is World Mental Health Day and last week was Mental Illness Awareness Week.  (#MIAW for those on twitter).  I was a little on edge about participating for many reasons, but mostly because I honestly didn’t think that what I was dealing with was really worthy of putting out there.  I followed the hashtag, liked and retweeted a few things, but mostly I was just lurking behind the scenes learning from others as they shared…

Depositphotos_10168015_original.jpgWhat I didn’t realize is that the week really stirred things up inside of me.  Emotions that were closer to the surface, maybe, than I’d realized.

Then Friday happened.

I said I wouldn’t talk politics here (or at least really try not to), but there’s linkage here, I promise.  The comments made were shocking at first – to hear and see things that were so blatant me, and they cut deep.  Why?  I haven’t been physically sexually assaulted I kept saying to myself.  And then I realized – I really had.  Former bosses kissing/biting me on the cheek in front of other colleagues. Hugs from colleagues that lingered just a little too long.  Comments made in front of me – the same sort of banter that was excused as ‘locker room talk’.  That we women have been conditioned to tolerate, smile and move on.

And then I got MAD.  Not just mad, but PISSED OFF, angry beyond reason…and I took to FB and wrote about just how angry I was.  (In summary, I wrote “Unfriend me if you’re voting for DT – we have nothing in common and I do not want you in my life”)

And I angered people and I lost long time “friends” as a result.  I’ve been called out by a few people both publicly and privately.  Received support from many more – not surprisingly by women, but by men too.  Some surprised that I could make such a statement when we have “history” and that I wasn’t being open minded – they took this as a political statement, but for me this transcends and supersedes politics.

Today, I feel lots of other emotions, some I cannot verbalize.  But one I can identify  is that I am ashamed that I let my emotions get the best of me.  I’m not sure how much my words (and actions) are related to the emotions that came to the surface.  I have to believe there’s a thread there.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Deflect much?

  1. There comes a point in life when you are angry for the things we assumed to be “acceptable” in the past. Like having to wear turtlenecks with a business suit to stop a client from blatantly attempting to look down my shirt. Like having a committee member say, in a business meeting as I was walking away that he’d like to “have that swing in his back yard.” (Good-bye, committee member.) If we aren’t angry and speak up about it, we don’t do anything for the next generation. And if your “friends” don’t see that and don’t think that the leader of our country should not be racist or misogynistic, do you want that in your life?
    I’m culling relationships that leave out the drama and you are right to do the same.

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  2. Deb, I tend to make on comments on Facebook you make from time to time. I was one of those that supported you when you decided to “vent”. Let me tell you that we have all had those days. I used to have them daily, but then learned that you can’t get very far by being angry and lashing out. Even tho we do not talk, nor were very close in high school, I think that we have more in common now then we did then. Here are my thoughts. I think if your friends clearly know you, then the comments you made they would understand. Emotions can and always get the better of you when you are passionate about something, and clearly, this topic, you are very passionate about. You have been very public about your depression and I applaud you for that. You have way more courage than I do. My advice I would like to offer is simple: do not let it consume you. I have learned that the hard way, but through my friends and family I have learned that I don’t need to be emotional about everything (and I am not saying that you are).
    I want to thank you for writing this blog. I actually get excited to read it because I hope in my mind it helps me cope with my depression and work through it. Take care, Glen

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