It’s Been A While

I realized today that it really had been a while since I’d written. Part of that is really good – I’ve been really good. Mostly. Damn, wouldn’t it be nice to get rid of that qualifier!! You know, no matter how steady and stable you are doing, there are those days….those days where you don’t want to get dressed and go to work…that you snack incessantly(even when you’re not hungry)…that you cry for really no reason (that one KILLS ME!). Just those days.

I’ve come to realize, that I’m going to have those days. Now that I’ve found a drug therapy that seems to work pretty damn good, and for that I’m grateful(but how I wish that ability would have not made me gain weight — that drug rocked!), I realize that I’m still going to have those days where I just don’t wanna! But you get it, right, it’s not that I don’t want to, but that I just can’t. Im semi-conscious about it(its weird because sometimes I’m definitely not conscious about it), but just can’t seem to make the decision to DO what needs to be done. I think “normal” people have this sometimes, right? Is it a depression thing, or is it a normal thing?? Damn, I hate asking that question…

I realize, I’m probably going to go through the rest of my life asking that question, because when depression is a part of life, for me, there’s that pause — do other people feel this way or is it just me?

I’m ok if its just me. In some ways, I hope its just me, I don’t want to know that other people are dealing with this monster, but I know they are…and all I want to do is try to help make this monster a little less scary to those of us who live with it every day…

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